


29 Days

by TrinineWriter



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent (Movies) RPF, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Baby, Comfort, Depression, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt, Marriage, Memories, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 17:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7692619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrinineWriter/pseuds/TrinineWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>29 days after Jeanine has a miscarriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	29 Days

 

_ For Sale ,  Baby Shoes ,  Never Worn . - Ernest Hemingway _

 

Tris leaned back against the counter and blew against the steaming dark liquid in her mug. She watched the dark liquid swirl around and inhaled it's rich scent. She took a sip and swallowed quickly, the liquid still too hot to drink. Her gaze wandered up from her drink to the woman sitting at the breakfast bar. Alabaster skin encased in blue silk dared her gaze to linger. Her eyes followed each line, every tiny crease and fold she could find. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips when loose blonde ringlets came into view, but it quickly faded when dark circles under grey eyes caught her attention. She leaned back against the countertop and stretched her toes against the cool kitchen tile. She let out a quiet sigh and blew cool breath on her coffee again. She studied Jeanine's eyes carefully. They were far quieter than they were a month ago. She took another sip of the coffee, not minding that it hurt to swallow the steaming liquid.

It had been 29 days. 29 days since they found out their dream wouldn't come true. 29 days since their hearts had shattered. 29 days since they were forced to face their greatest fear.

Tris shifted and a heaviness sunk into her skin. Her shoulders fell in defeat, her back slouched, spine curling in on itself. Her eyes burned with tears but she quickly blinked them away. She cleared her throat and steadied her voice the best she could.

"I see the wheels turning. Want to tell me why?" Of course, she already knew why, but she wanted Jeanine to have the option to not talk about it as well.

Jeanine didn't look away from where she was aimlessly staring. She was too lost in her own thoughts, in her own mind, to hear Tris speak. Her mind was an endless reel of memories, all blurred and colored with emotion.

She watches herself intertwine her fingers with Tris'. She can almost feel the warmth of Tris' thumb brushing over the back of her hand. She watches herself take a deep breath and stumble out of the bathroom, a positive home pregnancy test in hand. Her breath falters when she re-lives the look of pure joy on Tris' face. Her mind blurs, months of preparation, clothes purchased and books read. She watches herself share in the excitement with other expectant mothers. The faintest feeling of excitement starts to bubble up in her chest, it's that ever-hopeful feeling, that never seems to go away.

She sighs silently and her excitement turns into brutal heart-breaking, gut-wrenching pain. She watches herself wake up sick in the middle of the night. Her body trembles as a ghost of the pain crawls over her skin. She remembers the blood, the life gone out of her. Time blurs in her mind until she feels Tris lift her from the floor into the shower. She watches Tris cry, still in her pajamas, standing in the shower under the pouring water. A familiar ache settles in her bones when she remembers not being able to move for days. Her ears burn with the sound of opening black plastic bags. She sees herself throwing away books, clothes and buckets of paint. But it was more than that. She was throwing away the dream she had harbored in her soul. Her fingers curl into fists when she remembers the steel walls she built up keeping everything, everyone (even Tris) out. She remembers flipping the switch, turning it all off, tired of feeling too much. It was 29 days ago, but it feels like yesterday.

Tris sighed at Jeanine's silence and slowly crossed the kitchen. She sat her mug on the counter next to Jeanine's and gently rested her hand on a thin shoulder. She squeezed lightly, thankful Jeanine didn't shrug her off this time. They were making progress.

"Hey… We don't have to do anything today, okay?" She did her best to sound comforting and searched Jeanine's face, hungry for some kind of response. "We can stay right here if that's what you want."

Jeanine's body shivered under Tris' touch and her eyes fell closed. She pulled a breath in between her lips and held it until white spots started to appear behind her eyes.

Tris slid her hand over Jeanine's shoulder and gave her a side-hug. "It's gonna be okay," she squeezed gently, "It's gonna be okay."

Jeanine leaned into Tris' embrace, tilting her head Tris' direction. She felt her defenses slip and her broken heart tried to open up again. She closed her eyes and drew in a calming breath. She was locked within the confines of her own mind, torturing herself, afraid of feeling again. Her tongue felt heavy, and her teeth ground together. Nothing was right, and it was all out of her control. Tears silently slid from her eyes and she buried her face in the soft fabric of Tris' sleep-shirt. "I'm so sorry Tris." Her voice cracked and she felt Tris lull her even closer.

Tears pooled in brown eyes and Tris tightened her grip on Jeanine even further. "Me too Jeanine… Me too." She sniffled and rested her chin on top of Jeanine's head. She ran her fingers through blonde hair and tried to sooth the woman in her arms. "It wasn't your fault Jeanine." Tris kissed the top of Jeanine's head and held her tightly. "It's okay," she whispered softly, silently pushing through her tears. "It's all gonna be okay." Afterall, they had made it the first 29 days… Now they just had to make it through 29 more.


End file.
